Donovan Kelly
Crummy But Good Writer with a Lighter Touch
Maybe if Rita weren’t a dedicated children’s librarian, we would never have discovered our second rule of marriage. And maybe if she didn’t love reading so much, I would never have found the courage to offer to help carry her books when we were green college strangers.
We are still green and learning and getting acquainted, which is why in 50 years of being together we have only worked out two sure rules of engagement.
You remember Rule #1. The story about Rita’s gossipy born-again toe nail painter who talked to God a lot? The one who asked God’s advice about what to do with her niece the unwed mother who was expecting yet again?
Remember what God told her? “Shirley, it’s really none of your business.”
So whenever one of us starts ranting about the doings of someone whose doings we really have no vote in, then the other quietly says, “Well, you know what God would say.” Then we smile and shake our heads together and agree: whatever the problem is, it really is none of our business.
But sometimes it is hard to let go, especially when it feels like the problem really is our business and we have the personal bruises to prove it.
Which is why Rita turned to children’s author Jon Muth (“Zen Shorts”) to give us our rule #2. Muth recast a classic Zen tale about two traveling monks who came upon a rich old woman. The woman demanded help crossing a muddy road.
The older monk quietly put the woman on his back and began to carry her. She immediately started complaining that his back was too bony, his steps too bouncy, and his height too short to keep her silk dress dry. Once across the mud, the woman climbed down and stomped away without a word of thanks.
The monks silently continued on their way, but the younger monk began to fume. His fuming turned into angry words that grew louder and louder. Why had the monk put up with the rudeness of that woman? Who did she think she was?
Finally the older monk turned to his assistant and said, “I put that old woman down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”
So now when one of us suffers a snub from an ungracious person and begins to rant, the other has only to say gently, “Put the old woman down.” Then we share a smile that after 50 years of practice feels nearly as warm as a hug.